For the most part, women are designed to nurture, support, and guide others. In my opinion, these things come natural for us because we were created to be the primary caretaker of children. However, the expression of these natural gifts can sometimes be distorted by fear. Fear can turn nurture and supportive guidance into the need to control others. When a woman is in a relationship the need to control usually translates into insisting that her partner change. She wants him to change, so that she doesn't have to fear. A woman may fear a man leaving her. She may fear that others won't think highly of him (and she looks foolish for loving him). She may fear that the man cannot love her correctly or enough. Whatever the fear, the woman's answer can sometimes be to make him change. Some of us think we need to prove to others that our love is more superior than any other love that he has received because "he changed for me." Some of us have to prove we are more lovable than any other woman before us because "he changed for me." Some of us cannot accept that we chose the wrong man, so he "must change for me." Listen. A man can only change for himself, and if he does, it will not be easy or fast. If he misuses money, he may never be good with a checkbook. If he has an addictive personality, he will probably always be addicted to something. If he has been unfaithful to you in the past, he will probably always have a roving eye. All people have some negative traits, so does this mean you should not choose anyone? No, what it means is that you should to be fully aware of what you can tolerate and what you absolutely cannot! My advice is to choose your partner wisely. Choose someone you can trust. Choose someone who can truly provide what you need and want. Do not settle for someone thinking that he will change because he loves you. A woman should choose a man she considers to be her prince charming with all his flaws. It is fruitless to choose a frog and think he will be transformed into prince charming, this only happens in fairytales. |
