Many times we fall into the trap of believing there are only a very limited supply of possible partners. Then when you do the math on this, the natural conclusion is that you had better take what you can get.

Taking what you can get can get you into lots of trouble. One of the results of taking what you can get is relationship failure because the two of you were not compatible to begin with, knew it, and got together anyway, hoping things would get better.

This is a compromise for the worst. It is also a self-fulfilling prophecy because you get less because you expect less.

Signs of the Scarcity Trap

1. Committing to the first person that shows you any attention.
2. Knowing something is wrong but doing all you can to deny it to yourself.
3. Ignoring friends who care about you that ask you "what the heck are you doing?"
4. Believe bot time and material are running out.

Solution: Define and be clear on your first choice of what you really want and persevere. Believe that you get to be the chooser. Trust that if you apply yourself you can get what you really want in your life. You must be able to say "No" to what you DON'T want, to be available to say "Yes" to what you DO want.

If you cannot say no, then your yes has no meaning. You have the power to choose who, what , where, when, and how, and can get what you really want if you make effective choices aligned with your needs and requirements in a relationship.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com