Here's the scene:

Mom and Dad have decided to lay down the law and actually enforce some of the family rules.

They share this with the kids who moan and groan and protest.

Mom and Dad are shocked and bewildered that the kids are not eager to cooperate with the changes.

Something that will never happen

I know it sounds crazy, but we act like we believe it is a reasonable thing to expect. We lay down the law, and we are stunned when our kids do not say, "Oh thank you Mom and Dad, I've been just waiting and hoping and praying that you would get stricter."

Not gonna happen.

And if it does, get in touch with me right away because something is waaaaaaay wrong.

The cost of changing things

When parents decide to tighten up on a few things, the kids realize that the party may be over. Instead of accepting it, they are going to test you, to see if you really mean it. This is called "change back behavior."

The kids are testing you to see if you really mean it and really simply trying to get you to change back to the old system.

This is why it is so important for parents to make sure that whatever changes they begin, that they are ready to see it through for the long haul.

If you start to change things and then give in to the pressure of the change back behavior from the kids, you have made things worse than if you had done nothing at all.

Making changes is a good thing to do. Just mnake sure you stick to your guns.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com